Femdom Essay # 1- The Basics Of Femdom

What is a “Femdom”?

Femdom Basics

For those who are very new to the ideas and concepts of BDSM life it can be a bit overwhelming.  To simplify, all of the terms in the previous paragraphs that refer to Femdoms can be summarized thusly: Femdoms are “Tops.”  To put it very simply, Tops enjoy directing, dominating and controlling their partners (either long – or short–term) known as “bottoms.”  Bottoms prefer being directed, dominated and controlled.  Those who enjoy BDSM activities and the BDSM lifestyle are often jokingly referred to as being into “whips and chains.”  While this is a gross oversimplification, it does connote being “tied up.”  Femdoms enjoy tying up their partners, subjects or, “bottoms,” if you will.  Conversely, bottoms liked to be tied up.  The analogy of tying or being tied is drawn merely for the sake of simplicity, however, it can move far beyond tying up, and even “whips and chains.” 

Femdom Freedom

Once a submissive, or bottom, has agreed to allow a Femdom complete control, there are rules of engagement which keep both the Femdom, and her submissive happy, fulfilled and safe.  Most Femdoms have certain activities that they enjoy.  These activities might include: spanking, breath play, body worship, orgasm denial, pain play and many, many other forms of BDSM “play.”  It is up to the Femdom and the submissive to determine which kinds of activities suit them mutually.  Many new submissives make the rookie mistake of giving themselves over to their Femdoms completely, without any further thought to their own restrictions or limits.  The experienced Femdom will recognize this “fly in the ointment” and will ferret out what BDSM activities will truly engage and delight both herself and her submissive.  This dialogue often naturally leads to the establishment of “safe words.”  A “safe word” or words are often words not typically used during sex play, and, when uttered by the submissive mean, “Stop, I need a break.”  Since it is very common to say the word “stop” during a play session with a Femdom and not really mean “stop,” safe words are a type of code word that is seen as a “time out” of sorts.  The use of the safe word allows both parties to stand back, regroup and establish what is working and what isn’t.   

And in the End… 

As the song says, the love you take is equal to the love you make.  In the case of Femdom and submissive, this is just as true.  Finding the right Femdom, establishing a rapport and safe words, and then beginning a beautiful journey together, are all part of the process and beauty of power exchange.  Have fun, play safe and be well.